F%#! 'Em and Feed 'Em Fish (Heads)

At my gym, there is a group of women I refer to as The Persian Cats. I use the term ‘group’ loosely because they are never there together and as best as I can tell, they don’t even know each other. In fact, it may just be the same woman over and over again, haunting 24-Hour Fitness like the Phantom of the Opera. Anyway, just like cats, they are useless, think they own the place, have no attention span or sense of personal space and are constantly grooming themselves. I have seen one of them apply lipstick while sitting on a weight bench. They wander around in full make-up with their tails up in the air, serving no purpose.

The last time I went to BodyPump, one of them drug a ridiculous assortment of weights over to her station, leaving no weights for the last few to arrive. She spent half an hour prepping; laying out her weights, straightening her mat, stretching, drinking water, licking her paws. Then, three minutes into warm up, she decided it’s too hard or she’s afraid she’s gonna break a claw or something and starts packing everything up and carrying her borrowed equipment through the densely-packed class, forcing us all to dip, dodge, duck, dive and dodge out of her way to avoid getting hit.

Workout is not working out

I hate Persian cats and I hate The Persian Cats. Plus, that song with the lyric ‘I’m like a one-eyed cat, peekin’ in a seafood store’ is now stuck in my head. However, the idea of seafood did inspire today’s recipes, so I guess it’s not ALL bad.

Tuna Steak & cucumber salad

You will need:

1 6-oz. tuna steak per person

1 medium cucumber per person

Feta cheese crumbles

Olive oil

Vinegar

Slivered almonds

Lemons

Minced garlic, sea salt & black pepper

Heat a non-stick pan to medium-high and sear each side of a raw tuna steak for 2-3 minutes. Add vinegar and lemon juice to the pan and reduce heat to medium. While the tuna is cooking, peel a cucumber. Use the peeler to slice long slivers of cucumber into a bowl. Add vinegar and oil to cucumbers to taste. Turn the tuna over, add garlic, salt & pepper to the top, add vinegar if needed to pan. Toss feta and almonds into cucumber mixture; drain and plate.  Plate tuna steak next to it and serve with lemon wedges.

Deconstructed Philadelphia roll

You will need:

One salmon plank per person

Sticky or white rice

Fat-free cream cheese

Wasabi paste

Avocado

Lemons or shaved ginger slices

Sea salt & pepper

Poach salmon over medium heat till flaky (when a fork slides into the thickest part with no effort.) Reduce to warm and season to taste with dry seasoning. Cook rice according to package directions. Turn off heat under rice and stir in cream cheese and wasabi paste to taste. Plate together and serve with sliced avocado and lemon or shaved ginger.

Pretend those tomato slices are avocado slices

We can learn a lot from The Cats. Mostly, we can learn what not to do, but all of us can learn to eat like a pampered cat, including lots of fresh fish. On a personal note, I have also learned to control my rage when the little voice in my head is screaming “you’re holding a metal bar, just whack her; it would totally look like an accident.”