The Salad Days

When it’s 110 degrees in the shade, I start to crave cold foods at every meal.  Things like salads and cold soups are much more appealing to me than steaks and stews at the peak of a Texas summer. Salads are often the worst thing on a restaurant menu so you should always make your own. It was this line of thinking that landed me in the middle of my local produce section yesterday, starving, and looking for salad ingredients that satisfied my intangible yen for a dinner that would be “crisp” and “refreshing.” 

I had broken my own rule – don’t get hungry. And certainly don’t go to the grocery store hungry. It will go one of two ways, both of them bad. Either you will wander for what seems like days haphazardly putting things into and taking things out of your basket as various whims overtake you, your frustration steadily growing until you finally decide nothing in the entire store is worth the calories, abandon your basket in the middle of the house-wears aisle (how did you end up there anyway?) and leave the store. Or you’ll load up as much junk food as you can carry and undo the whole day. Nobody wants that.  But everybody wants delicious salads in the summer time. So, go in with a plan. A salad plan. Here are two simple options – one cold, one warm - to get you started.

Strawberry-Chicken Salad (cold)

You will need:

A bag of spinach

A bunch of basil

A pint of strawberries

A bag of pre-cooked chicken strips or chunks

Wash and drain the spinach and put into bowls. Stack several basil leaves together and cut in half lengthwise, then chop with kitchen scissors directly on top of spinach. Slice strawberries into rounds. Add strawberries and chicken to each bowl. I add sea salt to mine, but if you’re avoiding sodium, don’t.

Shrimp, Goat Cheese & Walnut salad (warm)

You will need:

A bag of mixed field greens

3 oz. plain goat cheese

4 oz. bag crushed walnuts

Small bag pre-cooked small shrimp

2 pears

Butter substitute

Minced garlic

A lemon

Green onion

Put the greens into individual bowls and set aside. Add 2/3 of the goat cheese and ½ of the walnuts to a small food processor. Heat butter substitute and minced garlic in a sauté pan; add shrimp. Cube the pears. When the shrimp are piping hot, remove from heat and put on a plate, reserving as much liquid in the pan as possible. Add the pears to the sauté pan and warm till they’re soft, but not mushy. Add 2/3 of the softened pears to the shrimp plate and 1/3 to the small food processor, along with any liquid left in the pan. Add the juice of one lemon to food processor and pulverize to make salad dressing. Top the greens with the hot shrimp & pears – greens will wilt a bit.  Spoon dressing over each salad and then top with the remaining goat cheese, crumbled, and the remaining walnuts. Add raw green onion slices to the very top and serve warm.

It’s difficult to portion out calories and fat and all without exact quantities. My best advice is to look at what is in the entire container of goat cheese or walnuts or whatever, get a total for all of it and then divide by how many servings you make from it. Salad greens and fruit are free. Chicken has a shocking amount of sodium. Avoid animal products (meat, eggs, talons) to avoid cholesterol.  Mushroom slices are pretty good in the first salad if you don’t do chicken.

Drink water. Especially during the salad days.  If you don’t like the taste of plain water, a few slices of cucumber makes a glass of ice water very “crisp” and “refreshing.”

U, D, L, L, R, U, D, R, R, L (cheats)

There’s only one real trick to weight loss: find what works for you. Some people are willing to work out all day as long as they can eat whatever they want; other people are content to eat almost nothing as long as they don’t have to move too much. For some, working out with a buddy is motivational and others would be too afraid of how they look to work out in front of anyone they know. Most people advise working in a cheat day or free day every so often to help you stay on track. Personally, I think this is terrible advice. First of all, I cannot backslide into the mindset that food is a reward, or that toxic, processed non-foods have any place in my life anymore. For me, the only thing that motivates me to do good work tomorrow is doing good work today.

That being said, I of course acknowledge that everybody is different. If eating a deep fried Oreo on a stick every once in a while keeps you on track the other 99% of the time, then by all means, EAT THE DEEP FRIED OREO ON A STICK! I’m just saying that personally, I wouldn’t know where to draw the line. If I eat the DFOOAS, should I round out the meal with a burger and fries? Is the whole day shot? The week? The first step is the hardest and I just can’t set myself up to take it over and over or I’ll give up. I need the momentum.

But, of course, I crave things. I crave burgers and fries and even the occasional DFOOAS. So I have found ways to satisfy the craving with completely healthy stuff. Here are two of my favorites: a Falske (literally translates to ‘fake’ in Danish and is a fake Danish) and The Healthy Bastard (my version of a jaw-dropping, heart-stopping feat of burger awesomeness, The Magnificent Bastard.

Falske ingredients:

Whole wheat (double fiber) English muffins

Fat-free cream cheese

Low-sugar fruit spread of choice

I’m gonna give you enough credit to assume you can figure out how to assemble the above ingredients to get this:

As shown, including black coffee, 115 calories, 1 g fat, 135mg sodium, no cholesterol

For my money, there is no better-tasting burger than the Magnificent Bastard at Andy’s. Add a side of Super Fries and it’s an ideal last meal. Trouble is, it really would have been.  If I had kept eating them, one of those little bastards would have done me in. Just not worth it when there is a healthy alternative (and there always is.)

Healthy Bastard ingredients:

Whole wheat hamburger buns

Morningstar Spicy black bean burgers

Eggs

Fat-free mayonnaise or mayo with olive oil

Tabasco or hot sauce of choice

Red onion slices

Tomato slices

Lettuce shreds

Russet potatoes

Green onion

Sodium-free seasoning

Non-stick pan, boil water, insert burger patty, lather, rinse, repeat.

Cube the potatoes, toss in a LITTLE BIT of olive oil, roast at 350 degrees till one will mush easily with a fork.

While that’s going, slice the veggies and mix equal parts mayo and hot sauce.

Toss the potatoes a bit just by shaking the pan around, add the dry seasoning and switch to broil for the last 5 minutes-or until crisp.

While that’s going, slice the veggies and mix equal parts mayo and hot sauce.

When the burger patty is warm, take it off the heat and poach an egg in the same water.

Add green onion slices to potatoes just before serving. They’re super thin and will dry up in a matter of minutes inside a hot oven.

Put mayo/ Tabasco mix on one side of the bun, and on the other, load up veggies first, then black bean burger patty, then egg.

Add a side of potatoes and it should look something like this:

As shown, we’ve got about 500 calories, 5g fat, 300 mg sodium, 1,000,000 mg cholesterol

If you’re watching your cholesterol intake, ditch the egg and add avocado for a heart-healthy alternative that isn’t too dry.

These should help you stay on track the next time you try to convince yourself you deserve a cheat day. What you deserve is to be proud of the choices you make. On that note, there is one more trick that worked for me: public accountability. Between facebook and this blog, I am telling everyone I know – and a bunch of people I don’t – my measurements, everything I eat and every time I go to the gym. The support is amazing and the fear of letting all those people down is enough to keep me from eating the chocolate cake I think I want so badly.

There will always be people who want to tell you why their way is better. Health is like religion that way. In both cases, find what works for you and DO IT.

One Fish, Two Fish, You Can Do Fish

Can’t go vegan but sick of chicken? Do yourself a favor and buy a big bag of frozen fish.  I was scared at first, too. Heard Gordon Ramsay yell at too many contestants to ‘piss off before you kill someone’ when they brought him fish that wasn’t cooked all the way through.

Cook it a few times, though, and you’ll start to get a feel for when it’s done. First timers can wade slowly into the world of seafood (see what I did there?) by starting with recipes that call for the fish to be served flaked, instead of as a fillet or steak. That way, you can tear it apart, right in the pan, and if it’s not done, give it a few more minutes. The fish tacos below are just such a dish. And they’re freakin’ delicious.

Here’s what you’ll need:

1 Bag mahi mahi, fillets, frozen

1 package corn tortillas

1 avocado

3 Roma tomatoes

1 red onion

3 stalks green onion

1 can low-sodium black beans

1 package broccoli slaw mix

1 jar of salsa (I’ll give you a hella-good recipe for home-made soon)

Salt-free fajita seasoning

Grab your trusty non-stick sauté pan and bring water to a boil. We’re gonna poach a LOT, so this is good practice. Place one fish fillet per person in the water. While that boils down, chop all your veggies and put the black beans on low heat to simmer. When the water in the fish pan is almost gone, turn the fish over and add the dry seasoning to the fish and to the beans. Wrap tortillas in foil and toss them in a 350-degree oven for a few minutes. When all liquid is gone from the pan, flake the fish with a fork. If it needs more time, add a bit of water and check every minute or so. When the fish is ready, turn off all the heat and assemble everything as you like it.

That’s it – a home-made, healthy, fish dinner (including NINE veggies) that tastes so good even kids will eat it.

As shown, that’s about 400 calories, 5 grams fat, 75mg sodium, and no cholesterol. In fact, the avocado and the fish actually lower your bad cholesterol, so eat up.

If you don’t like mahi-mahi, remember, there are lots of fish in the sea…

Ditch Your Pants, Dance & Give Eggs a Chance

At my thinnest, I played a secret game with myself. There was only one objective to this game: to be able to take a particular pair of jeans off without unbuttoning them. It's weird, I know. But they were the jeans that fit me when I first started losing weight and to be able to take them off still zipped and buttoned felt like a measure of success. It encouraged me. So I did it. I played the game. I wore the jeans in public, even to work. Then I would go into the bathroom and see if I could still 'pull it off.' I have, on more than one occasion done a little happy dance in a public restroom with those jeans around my ankles, still buttoned.

Now, at this point, you're likely thinking "What the hell? Are you ever gonna talk about food in this food blog?"

Well, just settle down, you.

Yes, yes I will. Today, in fact. But first I want to brag and tell you that I did that little happy dance again this morning. Different jeans; same dance. This time, no anorexia required.

I am not an expert or a doctor or an athlete or even a terribly bright person. But I know what's working for me. I know what's making me dance pantsless. And I am going to share it with you in the hopes that you, too, will one day do a partially nude dance of glee at the way your body is changing. (I'll teach you the dance moves in a later post.)

So here we go.
Seems logical to start with breakfast. Here's one you can try tomorrow morning.

Grocery list:
Whole wheat (double fiber) English Muffins
Eggs
Pre-packaged pico de gallo (or Roma tomatoes, white onion, fresh jalapenos and cilantro)

Saturday Morning Breakfast
This is my standard Saturday morning breakfast. I get up crazy early, drink some orange juice, and go to the gym to do Body Pump. After the class, it's still too early for lunch, but I am ravenous and need protein, so I make eggs. AWESOME eggs. I cannot say enough good stuff about eggs. Egg whites, in particular, are like the perfect food. Even if you are a heart patient, never stop eating eggs, just ditch the yolks.

In a non-stick frying pan (You don't have one? GET ONE.) bring water to a boil. Crack open the eggs and drop them straight in to poach. If you want just the whites, you can have twice as many. If you keep the yolks, use a spoon to pick up some of the boiling water and splash it onto the yolks - they cook more slowly because they're thicker, so get them hot on both sides. If you are not opposed to slightly runny eggs, this recipe tastes better if you only cook the eggs to about over easy. There is no butter or oil or anything, so it can be dry if you over cook the eggs.


Put the cooked eggs on an open-faced English muffin and top with pico. Season with sea salt or sodium-free substitute. I added a bit of basil because it was ready to come out of the garden. The finished product should look something like the picture below. And yes, it will totally taste better if served atop the latest issue of Southern Living.

With 2 whole eggs: 275 calories; 10g fat; 12 g protein; off-the-charts cholesterol

With 4 egg whites: 200 calories; 2g fat; 16g protein; no cholesterol

So, the egg-white route is clearly the better choice. It surprised me to learn you don't lose too much of the protein by eating just the whites and I promise if you put enough pico on there, you'll never miss the yolks.

Give that a whirl and let me know what you think. Comments, criticisms, questions and discoveries are always welcome in the comments section. Let's do this together.

The Rules

In my kitchen there is a sign that reads:

Eat Whole ~ Live Well

Make Beautiful Trash

While this mantra is fairly subjective, it pretty much sums up my philosophy on life. For those, like me, who like specific instructions, I submit these 10 commandments:

1. Don't get hungry - Getting hungry makes you tired and cranky and it gives you a headache. Hunger makes you less able to make smart choices or even think straight. It makes you more likely to say "f#%* it" and eat the chocolate cake. Getting hungry ruins everything. Don't do it.

2. Drink water - Duh. You knew this, right? But you're not doing it.

3. MOVE - Fitness, health, even weight loss is SO much more about moving more than it is about eating less. Park far away from things. Stand whenever you can. Walk. Bike. Take the stairs. Pick up heavy stuff.


4. Don't eat crap - Again, duh. But if you're not cooking three meals and two snacks per day in your home kitchen, you really have no idea what you might end up consuming. The big stuff is easy: no bacon double cheeseburgers. But did you know there are 1,400 calories in a Fajita Salad at a major restaurant chain?

5. Don't give up your favorite foods - Adapt. It is what has kept civilization going for thousands of years. That Fajita Salad I just mentioned? You can order the actual fajitas from the same chain for 950; hold the cheese & sour cream for 700; hold the cheese, sour cream and tortillas for 375. There are ways to make ALL of your favorite foods healthy and delicious. I will show you those ways here. I take requests.

6. No recipes. I don't believe in them. Eat whatever is fresh and local. Eat things together you've never tasted together before. Eat what you're craving, just prepared in a more thoughtful way. Please don't ask me for traditional recipes here; I'm not writing this stuff down and I drank my short-term memory away a long time ago.

7. Don't weigh yourself - There is almost zero value in weighing yourself. Ever. It's a rough estimate at best, it fluctuates constantly, it is not a measure of health, fitness, or life expectancy. It goes up when you replace fat with muscle. It discourages you. Pick up your bathroom scale 50 times with each hand instead of standing on it and you'll make better use of it.


8. Measure your progress - Measure yourself at the chest, widest waist, smallest waist, widest hips, butt and around both thighs. Add those numbers up. Write it down. Wait a week. Repeat. Notice trends. Set goals. Meet them.

9. MOVE AGAIN

10. Read more - No matter how much you're reading now, you should read more. That one's not so much about the eating whole advice as it is the living well advice. When you're living well, you will make beautiful trash. Try it.

Back Story

I was born and lived the first dozen years of my life in the suburbs of New Orleans – a city that ran an ad campaign in the ‘80s to promote tourism that featuring the tag line: “Others may only eat to live, but in New Orleans we live to eat!” Yeah. So, that’ll give you some idea of what my earliest ideas about food were. Food was everywhere, all the time. Food was both punishment and reward. Food was celebrations and holidays and funerals and comfort. Food was the way I bonded with my father as he taught me to flip the pancake when I could count 100 tiny bubbles in the batter. Food was the way families in the South showed love and, more importantly, hospitality. It was a measure of status, of worth; it was, in fact the singular reason for being, if you believed the TV.

I never considered food as toxic or healing, never as fuel for the work my body would do. In fact, I spent a great deal of time avoiding work. That’s how I got fat. Not crazy-fat. Not “Whoa, look at HER!” fat. Still, fatter than I was told was beautiful. Fatter than I was told was healthy. Fatter than I liked myself being. So I got skinny. Not crazy-skinny. Not “Look at that bitch” skinny. Still, plenty skinnier than I had ever been. But I didn’t do it right. I starved myself and ate bizarre manufactured non-foods. I challenged myself to see how long I could go without eating. I contend I did more damage to my body during that time than 1,000 cheeseburgers ever could have done.

This time, I’m doing it right.

I still love food. The only thing I like better than food is taking down the system from the inside. So I figured out how to enjoy my food - not for a moment and then regret it, and not for the control I could have over it – one day at a time. I found ways to make food healthier, even healing, while still tasting good. I discovered that absolutely anything can taste good when it is prepared well and absolutely anything can be harmful in excess.

I have learned a lot - the biggest lesson being that healthy living is not as difficult or mysterious as we have been led to believe - and I want to share it with you in the hopes that eating thoughtfully becomes the norm in our every-day lives.

So there’s the back-story. Common? Sure, but it’s why I’m doing this and I figured you should know. This is guaranteed to be your least favorite entry of this blog. Stay with me. From here on in it’s all jokes and pretty pictures, I promise.