This week, we're making soup!

Four-Month Update

For those of you who didn't read the 3-month update, those numbers across the bottom are not weights, they are the total of the inches measured above them. Because I'm adding muscle, my weight did not just plummet steadily down, but my inches did, so it is way more motivating to track that number instead.

I have lost 45 inches at 5 points. Which means, that if I had laid in the street four months ago and you had drawn a chalk outline around me, and then we came back to the same place today and you drew another chalk outline around me, today's outline would be nine inches inside the four-months-ago outline!

No, wait...

I don't think it does mean that. I forgot, I'm three-dimensional.

OK, if you had dipped me into a tub of plaster four months ago... whatever, you get the point.

I'm just doing BodyPump three times a week now. It is offered four times a week, but I get one floating skip day each week. I have tricked myself into seeing this as decadent.

I watched Food Inc. and became a pescaterian. Didn't mean to, but the idea of beef or pork or chicken kind of makes me sick now. There are completely healthy ways to eat meat; I've just gotten to a point where it's not worth the effort for me personally.

I don't count calories at all anymore. I know what's smart to eat and what isn't. I eat fish and shrimp and fruits and veggies with reckless abandon. I find that I cannot eat large portions anymore, or again, I get sick.

Basically, I made all new habits. I re-trained my body to expect me to make smart choices. I actually crave poached fish. I snack on tomatoes. It's nuts. I also snack on nuts.

Four months into this, I am SO glad I did it. This is the easy part, the pay-off. But if you're just starting, don't think about four months or even one month from now. Go out this weekend and buy healthy groceries. Cook at home this week. Take a walk after dinner. Make food you like in a healthier way. Take advantage of the fall weather and do an outdoor activity you enjoy. Then, one week from today, brag on facebook about how you completed a week. Then two. Then a month. Eventually you will get over the hard part, the confusing part, the feels-like-forever part and you can coast. Maintain. Do what now comes naturally. It's cake. Hell, it's BETTER than cake!

Same jeans from month 3 to month 4 -- they fit very differently today. :)

Stop Having a Boring Tuna

It's hard to get jazzed about tuna. I suspect this is because, for most of us, our associations are mostly of our mothers cranking open a can of Star-Kist, plopping it into a bowl, adding mayonnaise and calling it lunch. Or maybe that’s just me. Post-Tuna Stress Disorder.

Anyway, here’s a better thing to do with your tuna. Don’t be gross.

Tuna Steak salad

You will need:
Tuna steaks – I got a bag of frozen steaks at Sam’s for like $10
Mixed Salad Greens
A fresh avocado

Slivered almonds

Dressing:

Jar of Papaya-Poppy seed dressing

Two kiwis

A fresh mango

Thaw the tuna steaks in a bowl of water in the refrigerator until all ice is gone, then refresh the water and add 2/3 of the jar of salad dressing and thaw overnight.

Heat up the grill (outdoor or Forman or whatever ya got) as high as it will go. When the grill surface is at like 673 degrees, throw your tuna on there for about 30 seconds on each side. For reals. That’s it. The inside will still be raw – that’s what you want. Put the tuna on a plate in the fridge to cool.

Meanwhile, peel and dice a large mango and two kiwis. Run them in the food processor to liquefy. Then add the last 1/3 of the jar of dressing and whip them together.

Put mixed greens on a plate, slice the tuna and the avocado and add them. Drizzle with dressing and a sprinkling of almonds. If you do not both drizzle AND sprinkle, it won’t taste right.

Throw Another Shrimp on the Barbie

Even though Labor Day traditionally marks the end of outdoor grilling, unless you enjoy meat seasoned with the sweat of the cook, you almost have to wait till after summer to start outdoor cooking season in Texas. You can cook almost anything on an open flame if you have enough time to invest. And it usually turns out healthier because the fat drips off instead of the food cooking in it. Also, most of your favorite healthy foods – veggies, chicken, fish, even tofu- taste best when grilled outside.

All day Sunday I was craving shrimp and chimichurri sauce. Not sure why, except they’re both awesome.  Then when it looked like it was going to rain, I just HAD to go outside and grill. For most people, rain is a deterrent to outdoor grilling. Not me. Anything that’s awesome is at least twice as awesome in the rain. FACT.

For all my bitching about recipes, I did have to look up chimichurri sauce to make sure I didn’t miss an ingredient. And it’s a good thing, too, because I would have forgotten the cumin if I were just winging it and cumin is key. Anyway, the recipe is below, with the instructions for the rest of this meal:

Grilled shrimp and chimichurri sauce on white rice with fire-roasted vegetables and watercress salad.

You will need:

Fresh watercress

Rice (I use boil-in-bag whenever possible)

Raw medium-jumbo shrimp

Red onions

Tomatoes

Other veggies as you like

Margarine

Brown sugar

White Vinegar

Lemon juice

Dry seasoning to taste

Chimichurri Sauce:

Fresh Italian Parsley - 1cup

Fresh Cilantro - 1/4 cup

Garlic - 2 cloves minced

Cumin - 1/2 teaspoon

Olive Oil - 1/2-3/4 cup as needed (depends on how dry the herbs are)

Red Wine Vinegar - 1/3 cup (or more to taste)

Put white vinegar and olive oil in a baking dish and add the raw, peeled, de-veined shrimp. Cover with Dry seasoning and refrigerate. Put all the ingredients of the chimichurri sauce into a food processor and blend until smooth. Halve red onions and cut a small slice off of the rounded side of each half so they will sit flat on a plate. Add margarine and a bit of brown sugar to the flat tops of each half and refrigerate. In a bowl, soak whole tomatoes and any other veggies you want in vinegar and oil and dry seasoning. Fire up the grill. Put everything directly on the grill (as shown.) If your shrimp are small enough to fall through, put them on a higher rack and lay tin foil underneath to catch the ones who try to escape.

Boil rice inside on the stove. After about 20 minutes, it’s ready to eat. I literally did nothing to the watercress other than put it on the plate. It just adds a delicious, fresh flavor to the background of the rest of this vinegar-heavy meal. Leftovers are even better the next day after the flavors marry and are absorbed into every grain of rice and morsel of shrimp…. OMGYUM!

There you are. Virtually no effort and once it’s cooked, this meal boasts near-zero fat and very low calorie. Sodium levels will depend on the dry seasoning you use and cholesterol will be determined by your choice of meat. Shrimp and other seafood are freebies in the cholesterol department, as we have discussed before, so eat up.

You're welcome.

Change Up

Hey, y'all. I'm very sorry for the complete lack of blogging last week. It was my busiest work week of the entire year and I had no time to cook, let alone write about cooking. Anyway, I'm back to normal this week. Headed to the gym this afternoon. Grilled a whole situation last night - which will be discussed in tomorrow's post. Here's a pic to whet your appetite though.

Riiiiiiight?!?

Remember to tell your friends about the awesome new food blog you've been reading. Also, the content here is going to expand beyond just food. Gonna incorporate travel and lifestyle stuff; maybe some home-keeping tips if you're lucky. Kids love home-keeping tips.

Thanks for reading and sticking with me. More to come very soon.

All Told: 3-Month Check-In

  Starting Point                 1 month               2 months                    Today

Ladies and gentlemen, here you have it. My weight-loss journal, exposed for the world (or at least, the 40 of you Blogger tells me read this thing.) I really have to advocate for this facebook diet thing. If you have tried everything and nothing works, you should totally give this a try. Tell everyone what you’re doing and keep us updated on your progress. I bet it’s something you haven’t tried and what could it hurt?

OK, quick and dirty stats:

As of today, I am down ten inches in my chest. This seems like a terrible thing at first glance, but it’s not. At the risk of divulging too much information here, it’s only the band size that has gotten smaller, not the cup size. Also, bench presses are more effective than surgery for lifting the girls so they stand up and say howdy all by themselves.

A lot of people measure waist and low waist, because a lot of people, especially women are larger around the area below their belly button than above it. I am not built that way. I have always had this area above the navel that I call my “Homer Lip” so I measure there. Anyway, not only am I down 11 inches at my high waist, I have gotten the high waist and standard waist numbers a lot closer together, so I look less like a fat cartoon man’s profile.

I have lost 6 inches at my waist – measuring right across the navel. Not as much as I’d like, but still good. If you look at the chart below, you will notice my waist has always been my smallest measurement and my waist to hip ratio has always been about 3:4. All that’s still true. You can’t really change the genetics of how your body looks, you can just do what I like to call “The Tighten Up” overall.

Hips and butt are down 7 and 8 inches respectively. I’ve always gotten compliments for that wagon I’m draggin’ (I’ll wait while you Google that) and I went into this not wanting to lose any of it. Again, weight lifting saves the day. Sure, you’ve got to have cardio to burn the fat, but weight lifting makes your body look SO much better under the fat that once you burn down to it, you’re all like “Daaaaaaym! Where’d these muscles come from?” Now, I don’t care what size anything is, as long as it’s hard as a rock!

I have 2 weeks left to get to my goal numbers and I’m about 2 inches off on everything. That will be tight. I’ll probably have to cut out sodium to hit it, but I should be doing that anyway. Of course, I’ll keep you posted here.

I should mention that the totals across the bottom are not pounds; they’re total inches at all 5 measuring points. As of today, I have lost 42 inches!

And I’m not giving you pounds except to say I have lost 20. Stop caring what I weigh or what you weigh or what that celebrity weighs. It is a worthless number that does not take really important things like muscle mass into account. I’ll be damned if I’m gonna bust my ass lifting weights for three months and then get on a scale and feel like a failure because the number didn’t budge. Muscle weighs more than fat. Everybody knows this but we still get psyched out by it.

I am stronger. I can run farther. I sleep better. My joints don’t hurt anymore. I can finish a Body Pump class easily now with the same weight on my bar as the instructor. I look better in my clothes. I look better out of my clothes. I don’t cringe at pictures of me. Shopping is fun again. I feel healthy and clean. I’m not dehydrated. My skin looks better. I have been inspired to quit smoking. I don’t crave junk. Whole foods taste good to me. I am proud of me. I get compliments almost daily. I might even wear a bathing suit this Labor Day – in front of people and everything! Who gives a tiny rat’s ass what the scale says?

Whew! That rant prolly just burned quite a few calories. Of course, it’s not enough. You’ve all heard me mention BodyPump. I’ve tried several classes and BP is by far my favorite. If you don’t like near a gym that offers it, here is what I do on weight machines on days I can’t get to a class:

Abs 50@50 split

Press 100@200 split

Outer Thigh 100@20 straight

Inner Thigh 100@20 straight

Hamstring Curl 50@40 straight

Biceps 50@30 straight

Triceps 50@30 straight

Rows 50@30 straight

Elliptical 30/200 straight

The first number is how many reps I do, the second number is the weight. Split means do half of them, then do at least one other machine and come back to do the second half later. Straight means do 10 reps, rest a minute, do another 10, till you hit the target.

So for example:

I start with the ab machine, do 25 crunches at fifty pounds, then go to the leg press machine and do 50 presses at 200 pounds, then go down the rest of the list straight through in reps of 10 and come back and do abs again and leg presses are the last thing I do for weights. Then I jump on the elliptical for a half hour for cardio.

On alternating days, I do yoga, ride my awesome new bike, walk/ run/ hike, swim, etc. Some days, I don’t do a blessed thing.

I don’t eat crap, as a rule, but stuff happens. NVR FRGT the mystery burrito. But I try not to let it beat me.

90 days in, I feel like I have certainly made a difference. It’s never boring since I’m always experimenting in the kitchen and I can always add more weight to my bar.  I do wonder if I will someday be an 80-year-old in the gym every day lifting 300 pounds over my head, but hey, that would actually be pretty kick-ass.

My nickname could be The Octogenarian Pescetarian! I’ll get T-shirts made up… It’ll be a whole thing!

Water, Water Everywhere (2 of 2)

The cure for anything is salt water;

sweat, tears, or the sea.
- Isak Dinesen

This is part 2 of a two-part, cliff-hanger of a post about cooking with water. We’ve got one more cooking method to discuss and then I’ll give you two recipes that can be made cooking only with water. 

Water: Earth Wind & Fire’s Shemp

Cooking Style: Steaming

Works best for: Veggies

Upgrade: Wilt herbs or greens quickly to keep them crisp

You don’t need any special equipment to steam.  I have done it with a bamboo rack, a double boiler, a single pot and a colander… basically anything porous or with holes or cut-outs that will let steam through on top of anything that can hold boiling water to create that steam. in the recipe below, I hung a large soup strainer across the top of the pot I boiled the potatoes in and let the zucchini slices hang out in there for a few minutes. Veggies don’t need much cooking – usually just a few minutes, tops.  Most people really, really over-cook them. This not only depletes the nutritional value, it also dampens the flavor and makes the whole situation a soggy mess. 99% of plants can be eaten raw, so you don’t have to get them hot enough to kill anything, just warm and soft enough to be palatable. This also works great for greens like spinach or kale and for fresh herbs. Steam them for about 90 seconds and they’re done.

Now, the recipes…

Mean Green 1^st Week of School Dinner

You will need:

Bag of frozen tilapia (or other white fish) fillets

Potatoes

Green Onions

Zucchini

Limes

Cilantro

Dry Greek Seasoning

Non-stick sauté pan – 2 inches of water. Pot – half-full (or half empty if you’re a pessimist or an Isaac Hoskins fan) of water. Put the frozen fish in the sauté pan and leave it alone for about 4 minutes. During those 4 minutes, dice the potatoes and slice the green onion and zucchini. Mince a bit of cilantro. Put the potatoes in the pot and boil them. Turn the fish over with your widest spatula. Squeeze the lime juice over the fish and top with dry seasoning to taste. Test a potato. They should need another few minutes. Add the green onion slices to the potatoes. Put a metal colander or steaming basket on top of the potato pot and add the zucchini to it. Chill for a minute. Take everything off the heat and drain. At the last moment before serving, coarsely mash the potato and onion mixture. Garnish the fish with cilantro and serve as shown:

Poached fish on top of Creamy Polenta and Stewed TomatoesPoach the fish – you should be an expert at this by now. Boil water in a small pot and then add a heavy pour of almond milk. Scoop spoonfuls of polenta into the water/ milk mixture and boil. After a few minutes, add whole cherry tomatoes and stir. Slice red onion and toss it in with the fish. Slice avocado and reserve. Finish the fish with Lime juice and dry Greek seasoning. Garnish with avocado slices and serve as shown.

You will need:

Bag of frozen tilapia (or other white fish) fillets

Tube of plain polenta

Red Onion

Cherry Tomatoes

Limes

Avocado

Almond Milk

Dry Greek Seasoning

There you have it. If you have 15 minutes and running water, you can make a delicious healthy meal. If you don’t, well, you’re screwed.

Remember to tune in tomorrow for the big three-month check-in! All will be revealed! Measurments! Pounds! Sizes! Pictures! Puppies!*

* no puppies

Water, Water Everywhere (1 of 2)

The cure for anything is salt water;

sweat, tears, or the sea.
- Isak Dinesen

Before you tune out, no, this isn’t a post about how you need to drink more water. You already know that. This is a post about cooking with water. Everyone has heard the jokes  - “She can’t even boil water” or “he needs a recipe to make ice” – so we all know that the most basic method of cooking is with water. It’s also the healthiest and there are a number of ways to do it.

Cooking Style: Poaching

Works best for: Proteins

Upgrade: Add non-water liquids for more intense flavor

I first discovered poaching in my grandmother’s kitchen. My sister and I would spend the night with her occasionally and in the mornings, breakfast would always include poached eggs. As a kid I learned to love a runny yolk sopped up with toast or a biscuit. I didn’t learn to fry an egg till I was 20. Now, a fried egg tastes pretty good. But so does a poached egg. They both, as it turns out, taste like eggs.  Have you ever tasted cooking oil? It’s not delicious. Go to the kitchen and have a swig. I’ll wait…

See?! Sure, there is a distinct flavor, but no more so than there is in water. And no more than will be masked by the dry seasoning and other foods on the plate. So get rid of it.

Get a non-stick frying/ sauté pan (this is the last time I’m gonna tell you) and fill it 1/3 – 1/2 way with water. Put it on medium-high heat. Toss in your protein, and just like that, you are poaching! Cook it the same way you would in oil; turn thick meats over two or three minutes in to sear both sides, then lower the heat and let it ride. If it’s an egg, crack the contents directly into boiling water and when the egg white is completely opaque, fish it out with a spoon.  Once you’ve mastered basic water poaching, you can start adding other liquids to the pan for layers of flavor. When most of the water has cooked off, add citrus juice to fish or soy sauce to chicken.  Surprisingly, almond milk does something kinda magical to an egg.  Vinegar is available in a myriad of styles and can be added to any meat to add flavor as well as help tenderize the cut.

Cooking Style: Boiling

Works best for: Starches

Upgrade: Boil more than one food together to marry the flavors

Everybody here can boil water, yes? In case you need a refresher:  1. Fill a pot with water. 2. Make that pot hot. 3. Hide and watch. Now it’s just a matter of getting your food into the boiling water. For some reason, recipes have you measure out the water. This is only necessary if the end result is something that can’t be drained easily, like if you’re making oatmeal. But if you’re boiling root vegetables or pasta or whatever, just make sure you have enough water to cover the food and go. If the starch you’re boiling doesn’t naturally come in grain form (rice, for example), you will need to cut it up, usually into cubes.

Hint: the smaller you make the pieces, the faster they will cook.

If you’re making mashed potatoes, slice ½ -inch rounds and then cut those in quarters. When the water is boiling, toss the pieces in. Every few minutes, take a piece out with a long spoon. Try to mash that piece with a fork. When the test piece mashes easily, they’re ready to drain and mash. Coarse salt and a bit of margarine add a classic taste to this comfort food and make the end result creamier and more savory.  I like to add onions of any variety to the potato pot a few minutes before draining and mashing to blend the flavors together. You can do the same thing with sweet potatoes and apples or cous cous and cranberries.

Tomorrow, or possibly Friday, I'll discuss the final water-cooking method (steaming) and give you a recipe that uses all three methods at once!

Fryers' Club

Everywhere I go people ask: “I know I need to eat more yogurt, whole grains, fish, veggies, etc., but I don’t like the taste of any of those things; WHAT SHOULD I DO?” Or they say to me: “All my favorite foods are deep fried and I just can’t give them up; I’M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK IF YOU DON’T HELP ME.”

OK, actually, no one has ever said any of that to me but I suspect it’s all true.

Well, dear readers, I’m about to solve all your problems.

What if I told you that you could work in more healthy foods, including those I just mentioned into your diet by eating more fried foods?

You’re thinking “NO! It can’t be done!”

Oh, but it can. The trick is, instead of frying our foods; we are going to “fry” them.

If the State Fair of Texas has taught us anything, it is that everything tastes better fried – and, often, on a stick. Now I know I posted just yesterday about eating foods as close to their natural state as possible and “fried” foods certainly ain’t natural. But if it helps you avoid eating fried foods and keeps your diet on track toward results, then this is certainly the lesser of two evils. Plus, if you are avoiding salt and cholesterol as part of a heart-healthy diet, you will be pleased to know that you can still have your favorite foods – even a full fish-“fry” dinner without the fat, salt or cholesterol that used to make these meals off limits to you.

To “fry” something, you need to start with the classic wet/ dry set-up. In traditional frying, the wet side is usually a milk & egg mixture while the dry side is flour or corn meal. For “frying” set up a pie pan with a big scoop of plain fat-free yogurt and a couple of tablespoons of soy or almond milk. The dry side is a second pie pan containing crushed granola or whole grain cereal flakes. I like Special K for the protein and the texture, but any unsweetened cereal will work. Then get creative. Take fish, chicken, veggie slices, whatever you like and drop them into the wet side for a few seconds, then transplant to the dry side to coat. Cover a cookie sheet with tin foil, shiny side up, and spray lightly with olive oil. Place the breaded foods onto the cookie sheet and then spray the top with olive oil as well. Bake at 400 till done – times will vary depending on thickness. (That’s what she said.)

Fish “Fry” Dinner

You will need:

Large tub of plain, fat-free yogurt

Box of Special K or other whole-grain, non sugar cereal

Almond or soy milk

Fresh or frozen corn (no or low sodium)

Broccoli slaw or Cole slaw bag mix

Fat-free tartar sauce (no or low cholesterol)

Fat-free Ranch dressing (no or low cholesterol)

Lemons

Fat-Free condensed milk (no cholesterol)

Red onions

Green onions

Tomatoes

Potatoes or Sweet Potatoes

Zucchini, okra, mushrooms or any other veggie you want to “fry”

Sea salt & black pepper (optional)

Cut the veggies you want to “fry” into medallions (round slices.)

Coat the veggies and the fish per the instructions above and put them into the oven.

Dice the potatoes and boil.

Heat the corn in a saucepan.

During last two minutes of potato boiling, add diced red onion.

Put warm corn, a heavy pour of condensed milk, and chopped green onion into a food processor. Grind for 30-45 seconds, until creamy but not liquefied.

Drain and mash potatoes and onion.

Toss bagged slaw mix with fat-free Ranch dressing.

Take “fried” things out of the oven.

Plate everything together, garnishing with additional onion and tomato slices. Add sea salt, black pepper, tartar sauce and lemons to taste.

Traditional fish fry – including deep-fat fried fish, creamed corn, mashed potatoes, Cole slaw:

900 Calories, 40g Fat, 2,150mg Sodium, 250mg Cholesterol (about half from the eggs in the batter mixture)

Fish “Fry” dinner – as shown

575 Calories, 2g Fat, 420mg Sodium, 30mg Cholesterol* (almost 100% from the fish itself)

*Fish, like all animal products, does contain cholesterol, however, heart/ cholesterol patients are encouraged to eat it because the Omega-3 content actually helps lower cholesterol levels in the body.

Another example of "fried" foods - zuccini slices & vinegar-poached talapia with a huge green salad.

Nutritional information calculated from info found at www.caloriecount.about.com

Before You Stick It In Your Mouth, Find Out Where It's Been

You just think you don’t like vegetables. The truth is, you’ve probably never tasted one. Most of us have had some frozen or canned or battered and fried variation. We try to choke down raw vegetables with copious amounts of cheese or salad dressing or other smothering sauces that strangle the taste of the natural vegetable. We mix them into soups and casseroles or use them to top baked potatoes and tacos. But when is the last time you tasted a clean, raw, unprocessed, fresh-off-the-plant vegetable?

Sure, it’s an acquired taste, but so is beer and most of you managed to work through that one.  So I challenge you, as Obama challenged Congress: “It’s time to eat our peas.” And our carrots and our corn and yes, even our cauliflower. Go to your local grocery store or farmer’s market and stock up. Buy things you think you don’t like. Try new things. Learn.

On your way out the door in the morning, grab two pieces of fruit and three veggies. Throughout the day, eat an avocado with a spoon; eat a tomato like you would an apple; satisfy an ice cream craving on a summer afternoon with frozen grapes. There are about 17 squillion different kinds of produce out there and most of them can be eaten raw. Keep exploring new tastes and odds are, you’ll find several you actually enjoy eating.

That’s not to say you should only eat raw food, but the goal is to eat your foods as close to the way they occur in nature as possible.   

Helpful hint: nothing grows in a can or a box.

Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with eating meat, either, but the same rules apply. Nothing processed or injected or chemically-enhanced; avoid deep-fat frying and covering food in gravy.

Basically, don’t settle. You deserve actual food, not some synthetic approximation. If you need help getting motivated to eat whole foods, try watching this.

Now, I will admit, I am still working on a few of my synthetic food addictions - aspartame chief among them - so I don't mean to sound preach-y. Like I have been saying since I started this blog (lo those many days ago) let's do this together!

Buy Locally, Vote Globally

All summer, I have been watching workers build a Sprouts store very near my house. I have been anticipating its opening for a good few months, convincing myself that with this store within walking distance of my house, I would never again give in to an unhealthy craving.  Finally, opening day arrived. Of course, the place was packed, but I expected that. It’s sort of like the running track on the first day of spring – full of people who will never be back.  

They had a great selection of produce, which is what they’re known for. Unfortunately, a lot of it was still so under-ripe, it won’t be ready to eat ‘till Rick Perry is President.

I bought one nectarine, one pear, one tomato… just to test everything out. I got three green pineapples for $1 each. In about a month, I’m gonna enjoy one really delicious afternoon when they all ripen at exactly the same moment. I expect that when things settle down and the shiny newness has worn off, I’ll be shopping here pretty regularly. I even bought a second-hand bike to get me there.

Even if you don’t have a store like Sprouts near you, you can get a week’s worth of assorted fruits and veggies at almost any grocery store. Keep an assortment around and you will be inspired to find ways to use them. One of my favorite ways to work a slew of veggies into a single meal is with a vegan chili pie.

Vegan Chili Pie

You will need:

Sweet potatoes

Yellow onion

Red onion

Corn

Black beans

Pinto beans

Kidney beans

Celery

Tomatoes

Tomato paste

Cilantro

Avocado

Limes

Jalapenos

Garlic

Morningstar Farm’s Crumbles (ground beef substitute)

Jarred hot sauce of choice

Olive oil

Salt & pepper

Other dry spices you like in chili – optional

Dice sweet potatoes and mist with olive oil or cooking spray. Bake on a cookie sheet at 400 till soft enough to mash with a fork. While that’s going, in an enamel-coated soup pot on medium heat, add 2 tablespoons of olive oil and the ground Crumbles. Dice both onions and add 2/3 of each to pot. Dice tomatoes and add 2/3 of them, hot sauce to taste and a small can of tomato paste to pot. Add corn, all beans and jalapenos from a can. Mince and add celery, dry seasoning, lime juice and garlic about 5 minutes before taking the chili off the heat. Layer sweet potatoes, then chili and top with onion, tomato, cilantro and avocado.

I got the idea after eating Banter’s vegetarian Frito pie a few times and making a few alterations. First, don’t use Fritos. Duh. Put roasted cubes of potatoes, sweet potatoes, eggplant, or anything hearty like that at the bottom of your bowl. Then top with vegan chili and veggies. Leave off the cheese and sour cream. You won’t miss it. The chili recipe turns out pretty spicy and the avocado adds a creamy, almost sweet layer.

Use whatever vegetables you have on hand that are fresh to make this (and every) recipe. The ingredient lists are merely suggestions. The most important thing is to get as many different veggies into this (and every) meal as possible.  Actually, that's the second most important thing. The MOST important thing is that you never, ever vote for Rick Perry.

F%#! 'Em and Feed 'Em Fish (Heads)

At my gym, there is a group of women I refer to as The Persian Cats. I use the term ‘group’ loosely because they are never there together and as best as I can tell, they don’t even know each other. In fact, it may just be the same woman over and over again, haunting 24-Hour Fitness like the Phantom of the Opera. Anyway, just like cats, they are useless, think they own the place, have no attention span or sense of personal space and are constantly grooming themselves. I have seen one of them apply lipstick while sitting on a weight bench. They wander around in full make-up with their tails up in the air, serving no purpose.

The last time I went to BodyPump, one of them drug a ridiculous assortment of weights over to her station, leaving no weights for the last few to arrive. She spent half an hour prepping; laying out her weights, straightening her mat, stretching, drinking water, licking her paws. Then, three minutes into warm up, she decided it’s too hard or she’s afraid she’s gonna break a claw or something and starts packing everything up and carrying her borrowed equipment through the densely-packed class, forcing us all to dip, dodge, duck, dive and dodge out of her way to avoid getting hit.

Workout is not working out

I hate Persian cats and I hate The Persian Cats. Plus, that song with the lyric ‘I’m like a one-eyed cat, peekin’ in a seafood store’ is now stuck in my head. However, the idea of seafood did inspire today’s recipes, so I guess it’s not ALL bad.

Tuna Steak & cucumber salad

You will need:

1 6-oz. tuna steak per person

1 medium cucumber per person

Feta cheese crumbles

Olive oil

Vinegar

Slivered almonds

Lemons

Minced garlic, sea salt & black pepper

Heat a non-stick pan to medium-high and sear each side of a raw tuna steak for 2-3 minutes. Add vinegar and lemon juice to the pan and reduce heat to medium. While the tuna is cooking, peel a cucumber. Use the peeler to slice long slivers of cucumber into a bowl. Add vinegar and oil to cucumbers to taste. Turn the tuna over, add garlic, salt & pepper to the top, add vinegar if needed to pan. Toss feta and almonds into cucumber mixture; drain and plate.  Plate tuna steak next to it and serve with lemon wedges.

Deconstructed Philadelphia roll

You will need:

One salmon plank per person

Sticky or white rice

Fat-free cream cheese

Wasabi paste

Avocado

Lemons or shaved ginger slices

Sea salt & pepper

Poach salmon over medium heat till flaky (when a fork slides into the thickest part with no effort.) Reduce to warm and season to taste with dry seasoning. Cook rice according to package directions. Turn off heat under rice and stir in cream cheese and wasabi paste to taste. Plate together and serve with sliced avocado and lemon or shaved ginger.

Pretend those tomato slices are avocado slices

We can learn a lot from The Cats. Mostly, we can learn what not to do, but all of us can learn to eat like a pampered cat, including lots of fresh fish. On a personal note, I have also learned to control my rage when the little voice in my head is screaming “you’re holding a metal bar, just whack her; it would totally look like an accident.”

Recipe for Disaster

To say that I fell off the wagon last night is an understatement. I did a swan dive off of the wagon, set fire to the wheels and punched the donkey that was pulling it square between the eyes.

But more about that in a moment…

Know this: there will be setbacks.  Plan for them. Expect them. Have them, and then, recover from them.

My first week in the gym, I shot myself backwards off the treadmill in classic John Ritter fashion. It was quite elaborate – very flail-y. I screamed. I hit the guy on the treadmill beside me before landing in a fat, sweaty, contorted heap.

But I came back.

Since then, I have been in the gym four times a week doing one thing or another. Sometimes I lift weights; sometimes I do yoga. For cardio, I stick to the elliptical machine because it has a little plastic pockets that you slide your feet into, so I’m less likely to go flying again. The point is, I am there, working. And I have steadily lost inches, gained strength and burned calories in a way that no diet alone could possibly achieve.  

Speaking of diet, let’s get back to that smoldering wagon. Here’s the deal, I ate a burrito. I know. No one is sorrier than I am about the burrito eating. But if this public accountability thing is gonna work, I occasionally have to spill my guts and today, those guts contain burrito.

Last night, through no fault of my own, I drank 600 calories worth of Vodka and Crystal Light, drove through Taco Bueno on the way home and ordered a combination burrito with onions and queso. I know this because when I woke up, the receipt was in bed next to me, mocking me like a one-night stand now repulsive in the dawn light. Also, I had cheese on my face. Cheese. On my face. Wagon. On fire. Donkey. Punched.

I do not remember eating the burrito, nor its onion bits, nor the tub of liquid cheese that I apparently thought would round out this particular culinary experience. But I did. I ate the burrito. So now I must confess this sin in front of the same forum from which I have accepted so many accolades. I must hope that you will forgive me and continue to follow my story and maybe, someday, support me again. Most importantly, I have to refuse to allow this singular event – however hideous – to undo all the work I have done so far.

So I came back.

I had orange juice and a Special K bar for breakfast, and for lunch, I had salmon, avocado, cabbage, bean sprouts and carrots wrapped in rice paper from Mr. Chopsticks.

And I’m going to the gym this evening. I’ll stay away from the treadmill of death, but I’ll be there, working. My favorite class instructor at the gym always tells us “It’s not about the start, it’s about the finish; FINISH STRONG.” That really resonates with me for some reason, especially today, and it’s really the best advice I can offer anyone else. Well, that, and this little insider tip: cheese is not liquid at room temperature.